Horror in Summer Camp

Willy done had some friends that took their kid to camp. In less than a week they done received this letter:


Dear Mom and Dad,

I've been here at summer camp for less than a week and I am in real trouble. Please come get me.

On my first day, I was wandering around and I found a piece of wood and began carving it with my Swiss Army knife the way Daddy showed me.

The next thing I know a counselor yelled at me to "freeze." He took my knife, then searched me like I was a criminal. Then he took me straight to the camp director. The director scolded me for bringing a lethal weapon, a symbol of pain and death, to camp? Then I was given a "verbal warning."

The next day, little Willy and I got bored, so we went into the woods to play army. We made guns out of a couple of branches. Then we made bullet noises as we fought the bad guys. Next thing we know we are off to the directors office. The director scolded us again. He said that there is so much war in the world because boys like us are taught to play war at an early age. He said that we were lucky he wasn't sending us home.

I decided right then and there that I was going to stay out of trouble. I even decided at lunch to say grace out loud and ask God to help me stay out of trouble, just like you taught met to do. Guess where that got me dad. Yep, back in the directors office.

Who do you think you are imposing your beliefs on others, I was asked. He said that my actions showed how "ignorant" and "insensitive" Americans are to other cultures; then he gave me another warning.

Well Mom & Dad, things got even worse the next day. During basket weaving I was sitting next to Mary, the prettiest girl I ever saw.

"Mary," I said, "you're so pretty you make me smile from ear to ear."

Well, next thing I know, I was carted off to the director again. He said I really bad this time. My behavior was called "boorish," and against the law. He said I should be sued for sexual harassment.

By the way, what is a "gender terrorist"?

By now I was really upset. But I had forgotten about it the next day when we played kickball. I kicked the ball really far and did really good. I was so happy, I screamed, "We win! We win!"

Well, that got me another trip to the director's office. This time I was called "insensitive" to the players on the other team. He said I hurt their "self-esteem." Then she asked me if Daddy was a Republican.

I figured by now that I'd better just keep to myself. So I got a jar out of the cafeteria and went into the woods. I got a bumblebee into the jar and put some flowers in there to keep him happy. I was poking holes in the top to let fresh air in when I was hauled off to the director again.

This time, the director was really mad. He yelled, who did I think I was doing something that would cause the death of an innocent bee? He said I had no respect for the Earth and people like me were responsible for global warming. I was told that I would be lucky if the world didn't end before I collect Social Security.

The director told me that I better get with the program -- there is no place in this world anymore for "thoughtless," "restless," "insensitive" boys like me. He said if I mess up one more time, he was kicking me out of the camp.

By the way, what is Ritalin?

Anyhow, you better plan on coming back here to get me. Tomorrow everybody is going for a hike in the woods. And I already picked some flowers to give to Mary.

Your son,

Tommy